I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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