you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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