So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
