Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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