i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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