I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
