Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
