Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
