we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
