life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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