hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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