so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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