I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
