I accidentally had phone sex last night
Soap is not a condiment
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
