laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
