you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
