what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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