whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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