I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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