i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
