I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
