Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
