Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
