Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
