someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
