I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
