it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
