last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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