i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
