You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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