Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My feet surprised me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize