when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you win again, gameday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
