she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
