im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
