i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
