I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
