i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
