recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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