I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
