He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
