i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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