Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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