Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
