U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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