Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
