I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
