You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
