you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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