well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
