i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
