I wish I could teleport
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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