I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm too high and old for this...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
