We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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