I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
