Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Found the puke drawer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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