I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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