I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
