I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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