we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
