I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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