Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love accidental penises.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
