the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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