I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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