you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
