it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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