There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
