The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
