If i come over, it means nothing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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