Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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