I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
