having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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